I’m here to share a story about a woman who finally awakened to her true self.
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To come alongside women and encourage them to discover the courage, curiosity, and permission to step into their next season of life with joy, wonder, passion, and freedom.
Asleep to Awakened
Lost to Living
Depressed to Passionate
Stuck to Thriving
Fearful to Courageous
She had become lost along the way. One day, in her mid-sixties she looked in the mirror at her graying hair, her expanding midriff bulge, and her very sad, tired eyes and declared, “Girl, you are NOT dead yet!”
That woman is me and my name is Barbara. Throughout my life, I have lived with certain fears: Fear of others’ expectations. Fear that I am not enough. Fear of failure.
Although fear was a familiar companion, beginning that very day. I chose to give myself permission to wonder: “Could I bravely live my one true and wonderful life? Could I live a life filled with more meaning, more reward, but mostly more REAL?” I knew there was only one person who could transform my current existence into the reality I was seeking…and that person was me! This was no fairy tale and there was no Fairy Godmother coming to save the day for Barbara.
I wasn’t sure how to begin, but I knew there were several goals I wanted to pursue. With God’s help and guidance, I knew I could lay out a plan to get healthy, finish my bachelor’s degree, plan fun adventures with friends, and chart a course to change the trajectory of my future…a future full of possibilities, potential, and hope.
Each dream and goal required research, planning, effort, time, discipline, and commitment. These dreams and goals felt daunting at times. In order to accomplish them, I dug deep to find immense courage, courage buried, and rarely accessed. After all, I was stepping out of my assigned and assumed role. A role dictated by cultural boundaries that expected women to be sweet, kind, and good. The kind of women who put others first and keep the peace, at all costs. I had been that woman for most of my life. This reinvention of myself would come across as alarming to those who knew me best.
I believed it was my sacred calling to ensure that everyone around me was happy, healthy, and successful. I had developed many strategies to accomplish this: everything from knowing each one’s needs (almost before they did), to making sure those needs, wishes, and desires were met. The only problem was, after decades of “performing” this way, I got lost, literally lost in my roles. I believed this behavior was the way all good wives and mothers behaved. Many church’s taught this and still others implied it; however, I have since learned that Scripture doesn’t teach it.
To open my heart and be the authentic, transparent woman I wanted to be was extremely difficult. My circles I lived in were discrete; we often put on our smiles and kept up appearances. My life came with many responsibilities. It was my duty to be “on” in public, I felt pressure to be a superpower, an expert on numerous subjects, kind, nice, caring, in control, lovely, and put together…always. Then one day, I simply could not do it any longer. After more than four decades of living this way, I was worn out…literally exhausted. If diagnosed by a professional, I certainly would have been classified as clinically depressed. I had lost my hopes, my dreams, my ability even to allow myself an opinion of my own, especially one that might not line up with the powers that be. In deference to others and duty, I had become invisible.
Who was I? I lived with a general malaise, a sadness, a longing for more…but what? What was left for me to do? I felt disappointed with my life and relationships. I often felt alone. I had no “tribe,” no support group, no one with which to speak openly, transparently, baring my soul without judgment, shame, or fear. Life had become a monotonous maze, stuck in a loop, on repeat.
Somewhere, deep inside, there stirred rumblings. To awaken. To remember. To give myself permission to question. To discover. To set out on a journey. From that point, there was no going back. No more settling. I would need to be my own change agent. To take control of my life – back into my own hands. I began to mine my own mind. I went deep and began to ask brave questions, those I had cleverly denied for so many years. Don’t get me wrong, I had decades of journal entries filled with these questions. However, many remained unanswered – like gaping holes in the earth waiting to be filled with rich soil – inviting seeds of growth to be planted. I made the crucial decision that it was time, really beyond time, to probe my heart, soul, and spirit to find the exact seeds I needed to plant, nurture, and tend to begin growing into the person I really wanted to be.
With the help of a coaching relationship, the change did begin and for the better. It took some time, but with God’s grace and a new resolve, I found energy, focus, and singularity of purpose. I was able to achieve the growth I wanted, and coaching inspired me to learn the new skills I needed in order to coach other women to achieve their own growth in the same way.
Going back to college was like a breath of fresh air. The younger students had different perspectives. I relished our conversations. Controversial subjects and candid dialogue awakened new ideas and intriguing concepts; which, before would have been considered off-limits to think about, much less talk about openly. I began to take an introspective look at what mattered to me, what I believed about God, the church, the limiting beliefs I had allowed to control my thinking. I saw a mental picture of me inside a cage constructed by others putting bars in place…bars that I was handing them! I had become so out of touch with myself that I was helping build my own prison and compliantly crawling into it. I was mortified to believe that I had allowed the opinions and expectations of others to motivate my behavior; that I had contorted myself to fit into what was dictated to me by someone else’s idea of what was right, wrong, good, bad, sacred, evil. Who in the world had I become?
Over the next six months I started a walking and clean eating program. Over the next six months, I lost 40 pounds. I felt amazing, young, and vibrant again. I required less sleep. My mind was invigorated. I felt I could do anything. I read voraciously, allowing my mind to ruminate in ways I never had before. Something was resonating deep within me, touching emotions for which I had no language. There were no words to describe the “birth” inside me! This time of discovery was delightful and precious; my life was changing for the better in profound ways. Recognizing that I could actually step into who God created me to be was incredibly freeing. I was overjoyed!
An update to my journey: In the last few years I have continued my education through various courses. I have attained several certifications. I am certified as a Whole Person Life Coach, Enneagram Coach, and a Victim Advocacy Coach, specializing in Domestic Violence and Spiritual Abuse. I am one of three coaches in the company I work for to coach our almost 750 employees. I am absolutely certain I am finally fulfilling the purpose and calling of God on my life! The sense of purpose and joy I’m experiencing is worth all the hard work.
I’ve been so pleasantly surprised to discover there are many of you embarking on your own journey or are at least entertaining thoughts that a journey might even be possible! Our souls long to be enlarged. To that end, I am in coaching relationships with dozens of people encouraging them to answer their own soul’s unique yearning for connection and discovery.
A courageous “shero” lives inside every woman. Can you see her? Do you sometimes get a glimpse of her? She’s there – maybe not visible to the outside world, or even to you yet, but she is there. If you allow yourself permission, she will begin to take shape.
I’m not lost anymore. I found my internal shero and discovered a mission I’m passionate about and am happier and healthier than I’ve ever been.
In order to change our reality, there can be no ”business as usual”. No status quo. Would you be willing to let your imagination go free and begin to explore new roads on your journey? It would be my honor and delight to be your trusted companion on…The Path Forward.
We offer the coaching method is known as Whole Person CoachingTM, which recognizes you as a totally unique individual – mind, body, soul, and spirit – all-encompassing who you are as a whole, capable, creative person full of possibilities.
You, as the client, will lead the way toward your desired goals and I, as your coach, will come alongside to help guide you into the next season of your one true and beautiful life.
Certified Associate Coach, Coach Training World:
One of the most comprehensive coach training schools in the world,..holistic transformational learning method, rooted in interpersonal neurobiology, mindfulness, and somatics, as well as, narrative and archetypal psychology…combined with the best practices of the ICF core competencies….creating outcomes that are sustainable, exponential, and well beyond what can be achieved with standard coaching models.
Member: International Coaching Federation
The International Coaching Federation (ICF) is the leading global organization for coaches and coaching. ICF is dedicated to advancing the coaching profession by setting high standards, providing independent certification and building a worldwide network of trained coaching professionals.
Enneagram Spectrum Training and Certification Program Graduate
Member: International Enneagram Association
Our Mission is to foster a global and inclusive Enneagram community through Engagement, Education, and Excellence.
Founding Member, Enneagram Approach Collective by Anne Geary
Our Enneagram Approach Professional Training Program is accredited by the International Enneagram Association, representing the highest standards in the field.
Certified Victim Advocady Coach, Give Her Wings Academy
The Give Her Wings Academy exists to equip (counselors, coaches, the church) with the tools necessary to help women who find themselves in abusive marriages. GHW is dedicated to helping mamas who have escaped domestic abuse and equipping the church to help those mamas. A 12-month-long abuse and theologically informed curriculum, case studies and survivor stories to support abuse survivors.
Last by not least, my hard earned experience includes being married for over 51 years and being involved in many unofficial counseling sessions. I finally decided to make it official by completing my Bachelors of Science Degree in Spiritual Care and Counseling (Magna Cum Laude) and graduating on my 45th wedding anniversary and the age of 65.